I'm having worries about things that I thought were just Religion, faith... and now I'm worrying might just be my BiPolar having a joke at my expense.
I'm a Tibetan Buddhist, so bear in mind the more ritualistic approach and our viewpoint on Buddhism.
Also, we're not really meant to share experiences much, so I'm keeping details to a minimum.
I've always had a link to one particular Boddhisattva. He helped me out in a few times of great need. I spoke to my Lama about it and he says it was real because of certain details.
I've had a lot of dreams about that Boddhisattva, about important Lamas, about many things that are Buddhist.
I've had these dreams for years.
I tried to forget them because I don't want to try and make myself important; they're probably just dreams.
But sometimes I feel like I'm having them for a reason.
I've known from before I took refuge that I will become enlightened. This isn't a rational 'well of course, that's the whole point' feeling, it's a deep, ingrained knowledge.
And now I've been reading more about bipolar and a lot of people have odd religious experiences whilst manic, and I can't help but worry that all the experiences and dreams and thoughts I've had have been mania and that I'm cheating myself by believing they're real.
I don't even know if this is something I should worry about, but I'd finally gotten to the point where I thought the dreams and things meant something, and now I'm worried that they're just my ill brain playing some sick joke on me.